This Silent Killer Is As Deadly As Smoking--Are You At Risk?
The Hidden Toll of Loneliness And How To Break Free
Last night, a woman shared her painful and tragic story with me. It was a testimony of God's goodness toward her, but the journey to where she is now took some serious grit and grace.
Several years ago, she purposefully over-consumed medication that should have killed her. As she began slipping away, she had a vision of her children mourning her loss. For the first time, she realized that her absence would create pain. Up until that moment, she believed she was a burden. “If I disappeared tomorrow, no one would notice,” she had convinced herself.
After three days in a coma, her life was spared. It would take years of work to break free from the lies she had embraced—believing she wasn’t worthy, that she had no purpose, and that she was alone in the world.
Her story made me wonder—how many of us have felt the same way? That aching sense of isolation, of being unseen, of wondering if our presence truly matters?
Loneliness isn’t just an emotion—it’s a public health crisis. According to research from the U.S. Surgeon General, chronic loneliness can be as damaging to your body as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It increases inflammation, weakens the immune system, and raises the risk of heart disease, stroke, dementia, depression, and anxiety. Social isolation can even shorten our lifespan, just as much as obesity or lack of exercise.
But here’s what’s most striking: Despite the harm it causes, loneliness is often overlooked. We’ve worked hard as a society to fight smoking, obesity, and heart disease, yet loneliness—which affects nearly half of U.S. adults—remains in the shadows.
The Deeper Issue: We Were Never Meant to Be Alone
Science affirms what Scripture has declared for millennia: We were made for connection. In Genesis 2:18, God Himself said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” From the very beginning, our Creator designed us for relationship—with Him and with each other.
The enemy of our souls, however, thrives in isolation. It’s in our loneliness that we are most vulnerable to fear, doubt, and despair. Proverbs 18:1 warns, “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.” When we withdraw, we cut ourselves off from the very relationships meant to sustain us.
Yet, loneliness is not an identity. It is an invitation. An invitation to reach out, to reconnect, and to rediscover the beauty of belonging.
How Do We Rebuild Connection?
If loneliness is this harmful, then cultivating real, meaningful connection is a life-saving act. Here are three ways to begin:
Pursue Intentional Relationships – We live in an era of digital connection but relational disconnection. A text message isn’t the same as a phone call. A like on social media isn’t the same as a deep conversation. Hebrews 10:24-25 encourages us to “consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another.” Community takes effort, but it is worth it.
Try locating meetups around your city that focus on what brings you joy. Enjoy gardening? I bet there is a group for that. Writing? Walking? Learning new recipes? Surely, you can find a handful of others that enjoy the same things you do. If not, start one!
Step Into Service – One of the best ways to overcome loneliness is to shift our focus outward. Jesus said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). Volunteering, mentoring, or simply checking in on a neighbor can create bonds that heal us and others.
Draw Closer to God – Psalm 68:6 says, “God sets the lonely in families.” Even if human relationships have let us down, we have a Father who sees us, knows us, and calls us His own. When we seek Him first, He is faithful in bringing the right people into our lives. It is tempting to draw inward, but if we can go upward, we will sense a shift in the atmosphere quickly!
A Simple Step Toward Connection
Moving to Tennessee has been an exciting but challenging transition for me. Yes, I have my wife, a few family members, and some friends, but there is still so much that is new and unknown. At times, I have found myself feeling isolated in a way I hadn't expected. Loneliness can creep in even when we are surrounded by people, especially when our surroundings feel unfamiliar.
Instead of letting those feelings take root, I’ve been stepping outside of my comfort zone to connect with others intentionally—at church, at work, and in the community. It hasn’t always been easy, but I know that meaningful relationships don’t just happen; they are cultivated through effort and consistency.
This week, Carrie and I decided to take another step in fostering connection by signing up to serve on the Friendship Bench Team at our church. Once a week, we’ll spend an hour at the same local coffee shop, looking for someone sitting alone and intentionally joining them in conversation. We hope to encourage and support those who may need it, even if they don’t realize it yet.
The Friendship Bench idea originated in Zimbabwe, Africa, where mental health resources were scarce. A doctor named Dr. Dixon Chibanda started the initiative, training grandmothers to sit on benches and offer a listening ear to those struggling with loneliness, depression, or anxiety. What began as a simple, compassionate effort turned into a global movement, comforting thousands by reminding them that they are not alone.
Carrie and I are excited to be part of something similar in our community. It’s a small step that can make a big difference. The mission of our team is to see a double-digit percentage decrease in suicide, depression, and anxiety in our city.
I signed up to serve others, but truthfully, it will also bring healing and life to me.
Loneliness whispers the lie that we are unseen, unimportant, unworthy of connection. But the truth? We are deeply known and loved. God has designed us for connection. If you’re feeling isolated today, take one small step—send a message, make a phone call, attend a gathering, or simply pray for God to guide you toward community.
We may be facing an epidemic of loneliness, but we also have the cure: Love, presence, and connection. Let’s build each other up, one relationship at a time.
Does this resonate with you? Share your thoughts in the comments, or tell me—how have you found connection in a disconnected world?
It does take intentional effort but it's very much worth it to connect. I'm forcing myself to get out in the world now that Marc's gone, because I need the connection. The example you & Carrie set at TEC has helped me tremendously during this time. Thank you!